Most of us have had a moment of weakness where we've caved and redownloaded the literal pinata of the internet—Tinder. It usually happens when we're feeling our absolute lowest in our beds watching Law and Order at 2 am and want lots of questionable strangers to call us pretty. This is very understandable and valid. But emotional turmoil always ensues after.
Here are some tweets for people who low-key but very high-key regret every decision they've ever made when they download the app. They're not alone, we're not alone, and the people on the app that keep asking us to add them on Snapchat make sure we know that too.
This Is Meal Prep
This is meal prep, a crash course in budgeting, and networking practice all rolled into one. This girl has her life literally sorted out except for the small fact her education is slowly going down in flames.
Tinder: A Danger To The Digestive System
9/10 dentists recommend that you brush your teeth after throwing up in your mouth and also recommend that you don't download Tinder. It's funny how science and statistics work, but hey, I don't make the rules.
Mom's Gone Wild
Mom is having a hot girl summer and we couldn't be more proud of her. She's out on the town living life and doesn't want you asking questions about where she was last night or who she was with because it's none of your business.
It's Not Supposed To Actually Work, What
This wasn't in the plan at all. Nobody actually goes on the app to find anyone anymore. We're all just trying to fill a void that our exes left or whatever.
You Can't Get 'Em All
You sometimes just can't please them all. You're not always going to be everyone's first choice no matter what you do. So like, don't let a stale salted top get you down.
We've All Got A Rahul In Our Lives
We've all gotten sucked into the trap of nursing someone through their breakup on this app because none of us are emotionally stable enough to be looking for relationships. This is also the same reason why we're here in the first place: we don't make good decisions. Hi, welcome to your Ph.D. in human behavior.
Contact Your Doctor If You Started Swiping Again
Dude, contact your doctor immediately the minute you notice signs that your thumbs have started swiping again. Pay special attention if they're twitching to the right too much — that may mean you're starting to think this app works and will help—and that is very dangerous.
It's Not Like You're Gonna Meet Anyone Ok
She probably just wanted to get a quick couple of reps in at the gym on the thumb press to make her fingers look nice and swole. Not too swole, though. Don't want to intimidate any of the gym boys on the app who can deadlift the life out of me.
This Warrior Who Held On
48 hours is a long time to go without feeling the warm fuzzies of self-loathing in your stomach. My bets are everything feels different and great until they have to pick up where they left off in their messages.
Your Problems Just Melt Away When You Realize You're Not Living Chad's Life
Fairly convinced that most people actually just use Tinder to verify exactly what they hate in a person. Oh, is that a fish in your profile photo? Let me just reaffirm that you embody what I dislike by spending the next hour tearing you apart with my vicious thumbs.
This should be the sound that the app makes when it's loaded on your phone just so you know the exact kind of chaos that you're getting yourself into. And you're fine with it, of course.
Ethan Was Shocked At Some Rare Positive Feedback
This app has broken Ethan. He knows this line sucks, but he keeps using it because he's stuck in a vicious cycle of rejection and he doesn't know how to exit it. Come on Ethan, pull yourself together and ask if it hurt when she fell. You know this.
This Wild Child Who Doesn't Care About Planetary Alignment
This absolute meat-eater is out here living dangerously and not caring about where the stars, sun, moon, and space station are chilling in the sky. This perfect storm is so full of bad vibes I'm scared that this person's phone is going to catch fire.
Not A Great Start
Seeing the face of someone you kind of know on the app is like walking by them in a crowded doctor's office. Neither of you wants to acknowledge the other or explain why you're there, but you bet you're going to be cringing internally and externally as you slide awkwardly by.
My League? You're Out Of It, Sweetie
This is called setting yourself up for failure. But, what I want to call it is making sure you never get rejected because you're just smart. It's hard out here having a genius brain but someone's got to do it.
Wanting Human Connection Is A Sign Of Weakness
Imagine having the strength to actually live your life without feeling the need to go and make a human connection. It can't be done. Not unless you want every single one of your friends asking you why you haven't installed it already.
Finally, Some Representation
Sick of some app's backward thinking? Well, now on Tinder you can finally have your truest self in your profile. That's exactly what this is, definitely not a bug or glitch or anything.
You Can Tell In Five Minutes
In theory, Tinder is like your own version of The Bachelor where every single person you see has a job like personal trainer, model, or professional smile coach. In reality, most people woke up this morning and almost remembered to brush both the top and bottom row of their teeth.
Just Let That Praise Wash Over You
This is 100% the main reason people download the app. If you really wanted to meet someone you'd stand on a soapbox at the corner and just yell out that you want to fall in love. But attention from strangers to boost your ego? Now that is hard to find off the app.
Sometimes You're Too Down To Clown
This is taking the joke too far. This person clearly forgot about the whole "dating" part of online dating and now they've got to face the music. Or at least cancel 3-7 days before the end up getting married.