We all know the most popular time of the year to break up with someone is over Thanksgiving break, let's hear it for the "turkey dump." But right before Valentine's Day comes in a close second for people going their separate ways. And guys, that's a huge low for humanity, because only jerks do that to a person.
Here are the telltale signs that your significant other is trying to drive you to listen to Christina Perry's Jar of Hearts at three in the morning crying and eating cheese balls because they broke up with you right before Valentine's Day. Which, do what you need to do to cope because that's not right.
They Haven't Bothered To Make Restaurant Reservations
We all like to be wined and dined on the one day a year literally every other couple is doing that. So if you're asking where you guys are going that night and all you're getting is a noncommittal shrug in return, it's time to get suspicious because you're either heading to McDonald's or they're planning to dump you.
They Tell You They Don't Want A Gift This Year
So your partner might be a jer that's going to break up with you right before Valentine's Day, but they're not that much of a jerk to let you waste money on a present for them. I would be super cautious if they say they want "nothing" this year.
They're "Waiting" For Chocolate To Come On Sale The Day After
If the reason they gave you for not showering you in the chocolates and strawberry fondue that you deserve this whole week is that they're waiting for that 75% off sale at the drug store... you're dealing with a cheapskate or a breaker-upper. I personally hope it's neither.
The Toes. Yeah, We're Talking About The Toes
We're not leaving any stone unturned in this article, so you bet we're venturing all the way down to the little piggies. Body language experts agree that if your partner's toes are pointed away from you while you two are talking, then they're not interested in you. Which is not good news if you're trying to initiate some intimacy around V-day.
They Say They're Supporting Their Friend This "Galentine's Day" Or "Guyentine's Day"
Not making plans with you is a huge tell, but also coming up with excuses for doing it is too. Even though their best friend Ashley really needs a Galentine's day 50 Shades of Grey movie marathon, that's really still no reason to skimp out on your date.
Every Time You Bring Up The Day They Get Weirdly Quiet
Weird behavior talking about or around Valentine's day either means you're getting proposed to or you're getting dumped. If you're reading this article you probably know which one that is. The day's approaching and it's getting so weird that they're getting stunned into silence.
They Can't Say The "L" Word
Any time of year this is a bad sign, but especially around Valentine's day it's a terrible thing. Love is literally supposed to be in the air but if they can't handle even saying it to you now, the pressure of the holiday might be getting to them and they're considering calling it quits.
You Left The Handcuffs On The Kitchen Counter And Things Haven't Gotten Steamy
If they're not taking all the hints you're giving off, you know, all the new toys and interesting flavors of lotions you're bringing home, then maybe they're doing it on purpose because they're trying to make the end easier. Or they've got a really thick skull.
You're Already Taking "Space"
Space is the final frontier and probably the final leg in your relationship if you're talking about it right before the big holiday. Even though the odds aren't in your favor, maybe you'll both hate spending the day alone so much that it'll bring you guys together.
Christmas Didn't Go So Well...
A bad sign for your relationship for this upcoming couple's holiday is if the last one didn't go so well. If you fought with your partner's mother over mashed potatoes, they got too drunk at dinner, and you told their younger sibling Santa wasn't real, they might be thinking about ending the relationship to get out of another trainwreck of a holiday celebration.
You're Getting A Third Wheel Randomly
I'm sorry, who are you bringing along the most romantic week of the year? Your best friend to our date? What? If all of a sudden you've got another person stuck onto your relationship like a piece of gum on a shoe, then your partner is trying to get their opinion on you and get validation before they end it. So don't buy enough chocolate for two this year.
After Being Distant, They Randomly Only Want To Meet For Coffee
If after being weirdly distant for a while, your partner all of a sudden wants to meet for "coffee" and not the fun Valentine's Day-themed paint class you sent them an invite for over Facebook, you should be worried. Because neutral public locations where you can "talk" usually spells disaster.
They're Not Looking At Your Hilarious Instagram And Facebook Posts
You're a hilarious person, that's for freaking sure. And the world should know it. But if your significant other has been noticeably inactive on your social media channels (namely not liking your posts or not viewing your stuff), they might be kind of sick of seeing you. Which is a bad sign, especially before V-day.
They're Getting Cold Feet About Planning That Couples Bahamas Holiday
January and February are super popular times to start planning your next vacation to run away to somewhere hot (just because it's so cold and awful during these months). That timeframe is coincidentally right around Valentine's day...so if your partner won't book time off work or commit to a flight be suspicious that something's up.
They Suck So Hard At Texting You Now
They used to text you first thing in the morning, in between classes, and on break at work. You guys talked over the phone so much you were shocked when you got a notification and it wasn't from them. But if they're sending you infrequent and short messages around Valentine's Day, then everything is not "ok."
You Only See Them At Night Now
It's always about their schedule and what works for them, never about what you want to do. If you're like 60% convinced that they're a vampire because they only want you to come over after 8 pm, then they might see you as less of a Valentine and more of a casual hookup.
You Feel Like You're Giving All Of Yourself And Getting Way Less In Return
February is supposed to be romantic and all cuddly and cute. But if your adorable notes on the bathroom mirror are going unanswered and your post-coital cuddles are getting cut short because they want to get back to a video game they were playing, then it sounds like you're in a one-sided relationship. And those usually meet their end around V-day.
They're Picking Fights Over Nothing (No, Not The Hot Ones That Lead To Making Out)
Hanging out with your partner shouldn't make you feel like you've got to strap on boxing gloves and get ready to fight. If they're feeling the annoying drive to nitpick everything you're doing and saying, get ready for a big break up before Valentine's day because this holiday is a relationship pressure cooker. And they're cracking.
They're "Cleansing" Themselves
If your partner randomly starts dieting, exercising, and posting on Instagram that they're opening their third eye to become the best version of themselves (what does that even mean??) then you should be worried. Because all this before the big day means that you're getting kicked to the curb along with their half-eaten jug of cheese balls.
There's No Jokey "Our Kids Would Be Beautiful" Conversation Happening
We've all seen The Bachelor—we all know that talking about how cute our kids would be is standard first date behavior (it's more like 5th date but let's pretend). If your Valentine isn't being all weird and lovey-dovey about the future then they might be feeling like it's time to end the whole relationship.