So you finally let your guard down and are letting in someone new. Naturally, you don't want to mess it up. We're here to take away the stress of getting to know someone new and give you all the advice you need to keep them around.
Don't Let Them Know You've Stalked Them On Social Media
It is completely natural to be curious and look up all of the social media profiles of someone new we're dating. They are probably doing it too. Just don't discuss any of the information you found out this way with them, and let them tell you on their own terms. Also, don't obsess and do it all the time.
Don't Let Your Past Get In The Way Of Your Future
Yes, your exes and past experiences have shaped the person that you are today and the way that you are in relationships. However, make sure that you take those as lessons and not as baggage. Don't expect your new boo to wrong you just because someone else did.
Ask Probing Questions To Get To Know Them On A Deeper Level
It's easy to get lost in mundane talk in the first stages of dating. However, you need to ask questions about who they are as a person to really connect and see if they are a good fit for you. Ask them about their passions, for example, and what they want out of life.
Keep An Eye Open For Red Flags Early On
This is your chance to figure out if you two are a good fit before things get too complicated and you get too attached.
Although you don't need to jump ship at the first sign because everyone makes mistakes, if you catch them acting shady often, leave them before it gets messy. A good rule is once you see three red flags, go your own way.
Remember That Actions Speak Louder Than Words
People love to talk. Watch to see if they are the kind of person who likes to brag or if they keep making you fancy promises and not even following up on the small ones they are making.
Although it's normal to try to present our best selves in the beginning, there is a line between that and not being truthful.
There Is No Wait Time On Texting Back
The saying that you should wait to call or text is now outdated. If they text you and you want to talk to them, then go ahead and text them back right away. It's okay if they know you like them. There's no reason for games.
Make Sure You're Not Using Them To Fill A Void
Make sure that when you start to date again, you do it because you're ready and not because you just feel like you need someone.
If you're basing it off of "need" rather than "want," you're likely setting yourself up for failure as you're already putting a lot of pressure on the new relationship.
Don't Get Mad At Them For Flirting With Someone Else
While things are still new, it's important to not get too possessive or too jealous. Don't get upset at the first sign of them flirting with someone else—it could truly just be them being friendly. Plus, if you're not exclusive yet, you have every right to be doing the same.
Don't Lose Yourself For Someone Else
While it's totally normal to get caught up in a new relationship and want to spend all your time together, remember to set healthy boundaries. Continue to do the things that you love, and don't give up your independence.
Don't Lose Sleep Feeling Anxious Over Them
Relationship anxiety is a real thing, and it's expected that you'll get a little nervous when dating someone new.
Don't cave into paranoia that they'll just leave you at any second or that it's too good to be true. Just acknowledge these fears and talk them out. Then, remind yourself that things will happen as they are meant to.
Find Out Their Love Language
This is an easy online test that will really help you in the long run. It will reveal how your partner likes to receive love and how they are likely to give it out.
The five commonly acknowledged love languages are acts of service, quality time, words of affirmation, physical touch, and receiving gifts.
Treat Them The Way You Want To Be Treated
This goes for both the positive and negative things that you do. Do you want someone to send you seven follow-up texts in a row because you were in a meeting? No? then don't it to them, either. But do you want someone to surprise you with coffee on a rainy day? Then do that for them too.
Keep "Neediness" At Bay
Don't make crazy demands and have unattainable expectations. Even if they don't satisfy your needs for attention or affection right away, let them show their true colors early on rather than risking seeming too needy yourself.
Don't Give Up Time With Friends And Family For Them
Your friends and family are the ones who have always been there and will be there if things go wrong with your new love interest. Don't cancel on them or ignore them to spend more time with someone who just met you.
Enjoy The Process, Don't Worry About The Destination
Don't worry so much about where this new relationship is going and put pressure on yourself to try to figure out if this is your future husband on the first couple of dates.
Enjoy the process of getting to know someone new, of feeling butterflies, and of having someone you're excited to talk to.
Take Your Time Asking About Their Vulnerabilities
The relationship is still very new, so cut them some slack if you ask them a personal question and they chose not to answer it. Likewise, the last thing you should be doing too is telling them about past stuff they don't want to hear.
Share The Date Bills
Take some pressure off of each other and just split the bill for all your dates, or at least offer to. This will allow you to go on more dates without it getting ridiculously expensive, and you can take turns going to the places each of you likes. Plus, it'll keep the relationship equal on all levels.
Don't Be Afraid To Make First Moves
Both of you are going to be nervous when wanting to make the first move. As you get more comfortable with each other, be brave and break the ice when you see an opportunity. It's always attractive to see someone know what they want and go for it.
Be Open And Honest About Your Intentions
Haven't you heard "communication is key"? Well, there is a reason people say it so much. If you feel like they're retracting, ask them why. If you feel like you're having doubts, tell them. And most importantly, don't end up ghosting each other even if it's the easy way out.
Just Be Yourself
The biggest piece of advice we can give you is to just be yourself! You can put in the effort and dress up, but don't overdo it just because you think it'll make them like you more. If they don't like you for who you are, then they don't deserve you at all.
Don't String Them Along If You're Not That Into It
They seemed like the perfect match on the first date and it got you all excited. Unfortunately, the more you get to know them, the more you find out things that make you lose interest.
Rather than hope they'll grow back on you, admit to yourself that you gave them a chance but that they might not be what you're looking for. Then let them down easy.
The Big W: When?
It's important to be patient in dating. There's no rush in needing to label and commit. Timing is everything. Even though there will never be a "perfect" time, there will be a time that feels right.
Feel out the "when" and make sure that you're both on the same page about it.
They Don't Have To Get Along With Your Friends
Your friends aren't the ones dating your new boo, only you are. If they meet your friends and it's awkward, don't stress too much about it.
Unless your friends notice something concerning, don't put pressure on the two parties finding common ground and becoming each other's besties.
Check Your Baggage
Revealing your deepest darkest secrets from the get-go isn't the only way to bond. Only give a new partner as much as they can handle. Keep a little mystery.
Feed off of them so that you can both slowly open up to each other without it becoming overwhelming.
"Don't Build Castles In The Air"
"Just because he/she agrees to go out on a date does not mean he/she is in love with you." —Gauri Noolkar / Quora
In other words, don't get ahead of yourself and get caught up in a fantasy you've created about someone you don't fully know yet. You might end up setting unrealistic expectations.
Don't Rely On Liquid Courage
It's normal for you to want to have a drink before a date to calm your nerves, but you don't want to rely on alcohol as a coping mechanism.
Before you know it, you might have one too many drinks and say or do something that sober-you will later regret.
Recognize The Difference Between Love And Lust
A small amount of lust is encouraged in every relationship, but it shouldn't be the foundation. Ask yourself if you're just attracted to the person on a physical level or if you truly connect emotionally.
Lust has an expiry date and doesn't lead to fulfilling relationships.
Accept Their Flaws
"Acceptance is love. People have faults. They will have things about them that will piss you off, disgust you, but they will have parts of them that you admire and love. Are you willing to accept that they will never be perfect and the good in them is enough?" —Ludwig Rose / Quora
It's okay to want to draw a line as long as you're honest with yourself.
Choose Dates That Hit Both Your Interests
Take turns choosing and planning dates. Use those dates to reflect your interests and personalities instead of sticking to the old dinner and movies.
Bring them to a soccer match if you love sports or to a concert of an artist you like. People are most attractive and themselves when talking about their passions.
Ignore All These Rules
Some rules are meant to be broken, and when it comes to dating, there are basically no rules. If only love could be so simple that a set of rules could help you navigate it.
Unfortunately, the only rule is to be good to one another. Other than that, you basically make it up as you go.